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Working in the Pit of Despair...

And so it is...

 

I could name at least 50 major corporations that send material to the Pit of Despair to be tested. If they only had knowledge of just how the place was run, maybe they would think twice about doing so...

 

A 50% annual turnover rate is something most companies would find unacceptable. Everyone from PhDs to machinists eventually bailout, which in turn leads to constant training of new employees and the errors that they make during this period. Part of this is due to the fact that the average employee whether they are hourly or salary work on average 55 hours per week, six days per week. Other factors include, but are not limited to, the fact that the person who runs the place is a sociopath who delights in verbally abusing all those who surround him, the maximum number of vacations day that one can earn is three weeks, no sick days, a large raise is 3% per year, etc., etc...

 

And yet I go on for work is all I know…

 

Though eventually work will destroy me for I know this deep within my soul…

 

That is all…

 

Carry on…

 
 
   
 

Time for an Update 2015
It has been way too long guys. Instead of me apologizing all the time, let me give you want you really want. A DAMN UPDATE!

Remember that last entry I had? All about foreign language? I passed all of my French classes woohoo! I still do not understand to this day on how an English major needs to have three semesters worth of foreign language. I'm most likely forgetting about about it unforunately, but with everything going on in France as of late, I've actually been catching things here and there which is a surprise. Just that closer to graduating.

Speaking of graduating. I never thought I see those words again or to be using it again. If everything works out guys, I'll be graduating by the end of this summer. I still can't believe I'm so close to graduating! There are a few problems. I still have to deal with school. I'm already so far ahead but I need to focus on what's happening now. I think this is the reason why I've come back to write this, to process my thoughts a bit more thoroughly. Senior seminar is kind of killing me. I feel like all my ideas are stupid and not academic enough, even the professor has been shootingthem down so I'm a bit scared on that class. Scared enough that I feel like I'm not understanding but too afraid to ask, I feel like a lot of stuff is just catching up and that I haven't learned anything at all. Prayers are seriously needed so I can get myself together.

Another big event here is I had to get my wisdom tooth pulled out. It ended up getting a chip aka giant hole in the tooth. And for me to be a poor ass college student wasn't helping. I paid out of pocket to get it removed. To tell you the truth, it's probably been some time, like ten years since I got my teach looked at. Hopefully with graduating that I can gt a job right after words. That's what's been running through my mind. I'm so close to finishing school and that's WITHOUT ANY DEBT. However things are starting to catch up to me, I'm so close guys so close to making it.

I've applied for a lot of Turner Broadcasting internships. Another reason I'm scared because it's been so long since I've been out of the real world work force. I've completely revamped my resume which I needed, it had been nearly four years since it was updated. It looks good but there's so much more I need to do. My brother found something for me and it's full time, but I'm not sure if I can take the job now though. IT's so frustrating having to see that. I mean making that job mine and turning it into a internship for my intern class would be great. I would walk into a full time job right as I take my final class (Internship), after that I would already be working in my job. Another set of prayers are needed for this as well.

Also isn't Valentine's day is coming up? I know everyone is either doesn't believe in it or is reminded by single awareness day. I just want to remind everyone that I'm sure there's someone you love and that loves you back. Spend it with a friend, a sibling, a pet, and etc. There's more to things in way than just being in a dating relationship. Speaking of relationships. Mine is still going okay in a way, but of course there's a catch. As Many of you may or may not know, my girlfriendis Korean. Unfortunately the Korean society is coming up a lot in this. You know te whole "1,000 years of pure blood" or carrying on the name. It's to where she can get excommunicated from her whole family. It's so sad, I mean to have my skin color cause so many problems. I've been worried about her and I'm not here to break up anyone's family. I'm not sure what to do and sometimes I worry about myself around other girls. You all know I love to court omen, ever since I can remember as a little kid, I love love love females. I've been staying out of trouble but I worry about being a typical guy. -bangs head-

Hopefully you enjoyed the update, let me know what's going on with you. I have so any people to catch up on.


 
 
 

   
Troublesome.
To say the least.

I have recently had a job-switch, and instead of my vocational students, I am with 9th and 10th grade special education students.  I get to go to some of their classes, ones more laden with kids with needs (i.e., environmental science is a class with a  roster of 16, and 13 of them have IEPs), or ones that have fewer students but more significant needs.

A class I now go to is biology.  I know many of these kids from years past, both camp and teaching at the elementary level.  I feel like this adds to my disturbance about what I heard today.
I kid you not, on a lesson about 'What Makes Something a Living Thing', I overheard the following questions/comments:
- (on growth (small -> big) vs change (caterpillar -> butterfly) "You mean like how a twig becomes a tree?"
- (on the subject of a-sexual reproduction, mentioning that bees help with pollination because they drop some pollen on the pistil) "Wait - are you saying a bee and a flower could like, make a baby together!??!?"
- (on learning that life must be at least one-cell, or multicellular, and that yes, sperm are cells) "Do sperm need oxygen?" (had just covered that cells need oxygen in almost all cases) and "Do sperm have eyes?"

There are 14 - 16 year olds (some might be older, I don't know all of them that well).  All of them have taken sciences, INCLUDING life sciences and health, before walking into this room.
The future now scares me LOTS.
 
 
   
 

And so the wheel turns..
I don't know how my life finds itself in the places and positions it does, but what can I say, it's what I do..

So my first High School girlfriend, High School Sweetheart status, Jennifer, has a younger sister.. I've brought up Jennifer in blogs years ago, we dated for almost a year and half, between 10th and 12th grade. Anyway, she has a younger sister, graduated a little while ago, 18, into anime, cosplay, videogames and coffee... And well she's into me. Can't say the feeling isn't mutual, though 18 not really within dating age for me, I prefer the girls I date to be able to go to the bar, but I digress. It's strange to me that this wheel just rolls on and I go from older sister to younger sister, because honestly, I'm probably going to go for it, she's pretty attractive and I wouldn't mind getting to know her better. I don't know if I see anything good coming of this, but that's what life's about, just going for it sometimes.

In other news, Katie, the mutual friend whom I share with my roommate Ria, has invited me over tonight and I can't really bail on her again, so I get ready today with that in mind. Katie is fun, great cook, loves tasty wine, reads and can carry a conversation really well, so I enjoy time around her. She just really wants to end the night in bed and have me stay over, something I'm not so keen on.. It's really because I broke that cardinal rule during the one night stand we had. Honestly, I try not to make it a habit to sleep with woman so openly out of relationships, but it doesn't seem to be the case these days..

In addition to these events, I'm also taking a bigger step in the future of Zeni Kinetic, I've gotten the ok on my promo material I've been working on and have been asked to be a bigger part of the company, working more hours and having more responsibility. When first approached about this, I said I'd try but did a lousy job of it, but after the whole thing with Ria and confirming she's carrying my demon seed, I enjoy the opportunity to absorb myself into my work.

Work aside, when it comes to Ria and what we should do about our little situation, well, neither of us is really ready to be a parent, I'm still having trouble taking care of myself and making sure my meds are refilled every month... so we'll probably go the route of terminating the pregnancy, but we need to have a long talk before that happens, it's not something to take lightly.. I still can't believe that even happened, since High school I've lived with the belief that having kids would be nearly impossible, or rather it would take a lot of coordination or planning and tries.. Nonetheless, I'm surprised by this revelation and it's one I'll definitely keep in mind from now on.

Anyway, it's about 8am, I should finish the preliminary drafts for the price guides for work, I'm really enjoying this late night/early morning lifestyle.

Later days,

Christopher.


PS, finally finished Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, I understand why that movie is such a cult classic. "And there he goes, one of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even meant for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die." - Raoul Duke, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
 
 
 

   
Excerpts from Life
These are various little things that I am wanting to remember, as well as share for future reference.

Excerpts from my life, though they are randomly places on here, they carry a thread of ever present themes. The reoccurring theme in these is, when looked at fundamentally, Love, or rather the desire and belief in it.

As my dear friend Maddie said upon my unloading of these things on her, "Le sigh. Oh the tangled web we weave...," which I believe puts into perspective perfectly how life is, and our place in it. I told her of Anna, this past weekend, as well as the Cardinal Rules I laid out for myself, which lay broken many times over, in no order; Don't sleep with a friend, don't sleep with an ex's friend, don't make a one-night stand cum, don't make a one-night stand cum multiple times in a single event, don't spend extended time around a female whom you find attractive and her SO, don't develop feelings for a female with a SO, and don't get to know a female interest's SO. Someday, soon, I feel I'll make a better recollection of the rules which I govern myself by... Anyway, the story goes on.

This past weekend I helped Anna move. Kelly, her boyfriend, was there to help as well, though it was honestly just Anna's stuff I helped move, as his was elsewhere and nowhere near as numerous as her possessions. This event was to start 10am Saturday, though didn't really start till later in the afternoon, finishing Sunday evening. It involved going to various places to gather her belongings, Logan in particular having most of her things. Over the course of the weekend I got to know Anna better, as well as Kelly. I also had the opportunity to meet her family and spend time with them, whom reflected the lacking in my own family I long for. They were a real family, they were happy to be around each other, they joked around and laughed and it was really nice, not like the venom dripping words exchanged in my family or the uneasy nature being around them. All in all, I would love to be around them again, though it is hardly my place to be around them at all, let alone Anna. Kelly mostly complained the whole time, which was rather irritating to myself in particular considering this was all for their benefit, his included, considering he now has a place to go home to, a caring person there, a place that is their own, whereas I am still staying at an ex's place, things are still tense at times and sleep never comes easy, nor do I ever feel welcomed completely, just another piece of furniture. Anyway, all in all, it's probably this weekend that has made things somewhat hard to be around Anna now, having realizing I do indeed have feelings for her and admire her.

Excerpt from Evernote, written during the drive to Salt Lake from Logan, titled : The Impossibilities of Trying to be Friends with a Girl you're Attracted to.

If there's one thing you'd think I'd have learned in my life about women and myself, it's this lesson.. It's never a good idea to be interested in a girl that has a bf, and it's even worst to try to be her friend. I have an inevitably impossibility of doing this when it comes to trying to be friends with a girl in this situation, because she doesn't feel that way for me, yet I'll put myself into situations that will cause myself pain in order to be closer. It's stupid, it's a selfish and it's childish. Even worst, it's to meet the bf, no matter what they're like, it's a mistake to do.

It's how you got yourself into this situation, having a glimpse of life, outside looking in. The only thing you can do is avoid her eyes and get this job over quickly..

I cannot allow myself to become silently ill-willed toward Anna because of how I feel, she has a right to know how I feel, just as I don't have a right to hide behind it and allow it to be a problem never voiced. I will say this, however, being at work with her is hard now.

In other news, I had dinner with Katie last night, she made a delicious veggie pasta type concoction along with chicken. After we just talked a bit, though she wanted things to end in the bedroom, I wasn't feeling wholly up to it, so when we did end up in the bedroom, I opted for just relaxing together before taking my leave around 10pm. It was nothing against her, I just wasn't feeling up to having sex, I was exhausted from the weekend and achy all over, not to mention getting back on my medication from the previous drought over the holiday, so ill side-effects are in effect. I feel she's hoping for more, something I am sorry to admit, I am not, not with her.

Things at work are progressing rapidly, as ever, especially for this "Electromechanical Technician." I say that in quotations, because I've done hardly anything in relation to what I was hired for. I doubt I covered this in any other entry, but I do Shipping, Spooling, 3D Modeling, Graphic Designing and Parts Expediting and Contract Negotiating with suppliers.. All I can say is my resume, and LinkedIn is going to look pretty damn good... Lol. Zach, one of my coworkers at Zeni, convinced me to make a LinkedIn, which I did, however I haven't done much with it. I am happy to say things are going along swimmingly for our team, all <10 of us haha.. I think our team is really 9, but I never know who's just helping and who actually works there sometimes.

Anyway, time to get back to work on, well, work.

Later days,

Christopher.


PS, I need to figure out a way to export my blog, I don't want to see it missing again..
 
 
   
 

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