Work @ MindSay 
school
6.15 I'm in the judges chambers and I hear Rush's Tom Sawyer (my ringtone)over the hum of the sweeper. I leave the machine running and check the message.
It's Mikey. I haven't heard from him in almost two weeks.
He says sorry for not being in touch, he's been sick and contemplating a deathwish. I text back and ask if there's anything I can do, he returns a text asking if I can stop by after work if I've got some spare change. I say sure I'll be there, knowing I only have $25 in my pocket until next payday, knowing I'm certainly not just going to hand him cash, but knowing he at least needs bus fare, smokes, and a can of Cola.
I was already irritated from having to rush to finish my work this evening. At the beginning of the shift there were no court appearances on the docket, which meant I would only have 2 chambers to clean, no courtrooms. Then at 5pm I find out there's been a USMarshall Drug Sweep resulting in ten late arrests and both courtrooms have been used, which means I have 2 hours to do both courtrooms and both chambers.
I don't mind working fast and hard, but I HATE time constraints. I can't do the best job when I have to rush just to get done by 7. So the text from Mikey just added to my anxiety, and in my hurry to finish I totally dumped my supply cart over on it's side. I went nuts and started slamming the cart up and down on the floor, scattering crap everywhere and giving myself more work to cram in.
What an idiot I felt like.
7pm arrives I'm out the door headed for Mikey's. I arrive and we talk, he looks like a tan skeleton accept for his legs which are stark white, we never were allowed to wear shorts on lawn crew.
I ask him what's up. He says..."I just don't see any reason to live anymore, what's the point? I'm 57 still trying to be a kid, doing dope every chance I get, tearing up my body, I live here alone without companionship, and who would have me anyway the way I look and live, my stomach is tore up but there's no way I'm going to the hospital except on a gurney, I work lawn care and my body almost can't take it anymore, I won't get work anywhere else"........and he went on. I just listened.
I asked him simply if he could quit the boy. He just gave that little laugh of his that says don't be ridiculous. He says it's not so much the boy but why he is using more. He just doesn't care. Says he thinks of Hunter Thompson, one of his fave writers, how he couldn't stand his life anymore once he was confined to a wheelchair, killed himself. Hemingway. Says he doesn't even want to get to that point. Would rather end it now.
I looked in the eyes of a man who believes life has passed him by, done by his own hands. His own choices.
I looked in a mirror of my own days past.
I asked and he told me he had absolutely no food in the place. Not even toilet paper. I said let's head to the grocery, and on the 20 minute drive we laughed and talked about last season stories of lawn crew craziness, of this past winter and the nights and days of 20 hour shifts of blizzard snow removal. We chatted about the olympics.
The groceries rang out to $24.58. He'd gotten what he needed for a few days, I told him I'd be over on Saturday with a load of more stuff. I know a few food banks around town, and I know a few people who run them. I'm going to make sure he's got ALL he needs.
And I'm going to love pray and think about him everyday.
He never once asked me for cash. He knew better.
On the 30 minute drive home I couldn't hold back the tears.
BDS
Tonights work shift sucked big time. The place was so quiet and dead you could have heard a pin drop for the last few hours of my shift. I hate it when it's that dead. It's like, what's the point of the store being open? Anyway, thats all i have to say about work tonight. No one , and nothing was there, that mattered.
Now I am here, and it's another night of watching the olympics. Lets see if there's another way a USA gymnast can get screwed out of a gold medal by and ass-backwards scoring system.
Tomorrw, were suppose to cut the grass. This has been know for a least a week now, and the lazy bastard called my father, cant even buy gas. I just checked the can to see if he had got it today, knowing full well we need it for tomorrow. Nope, still like barley anything it in. Now your telling me, he can't even do that. There's gonna be bitching tomorrow, unless I feel like keeping my mouth shut.
~ Annoyed
I've been studying zen and zen meditation from him for 5 yrs. now and yet I feel I still have a lot to learn. But about a yr. ago, he asked me to start teaching a Sun. afternoon meditation class at the meditation hall I attend. I was quite honored he asked me, and also very apprehensive. But I decided to do it, and now enjoy it thoroughly! :)
Well, about a month ago there was a flyer posted at the zen center wanting meditation instructors for Oct. night classes at Seattle Central Community College.. I paid no mind to it, but mentioned ONCE to my Roshi that would be fun to do.
Yep, you guessed it....That sneaky lil wise man decided to send a e-mail back to the college and recommend me as a instructor! I got a e-mail from SCCC yesterday asking if I was interested and have a interview on Sept 1st if I accept. Good grief. :) I showed him the e-mail n he just grinned a devious little smile and said "I think you should do this, but I won't be let down if you choose not to.". Ohhh great, no pressure there! :p
It's a paid position, and I'm fine with instructing now, but I work M-F 8-5, and the class I'd be doing is M-W-F 7-8 pm. So, yeah. A lot of commitment. I'd stop teaching the Sun. class though. Again, this all pre-planned by Mr. Man. Lol!!!
So we'll see what happens. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to do a serious meditation sitting!
After finally getting out of bed at 11 am this morning. Getting breakfast, cleaned up and ready to go, it was back to work at 130 PM today.
Ugh, why do I have to go back to the place I hate most in this world. Oh, I know, I need a pay check to get by in this money hunger world. That's a sad statement in itself, isn't it?
So, after a rather uneventful and rather boring work shift. Here I am back home. Having missed today's NASCAR cup race, but just reading an article on Gibbs racing getting busted for cheating! Did you really think Toyota and Gibbs racing where that good? Guess the cheating little bastards aren't as good as they seem. You can read the article for yourself by clicking : here.
Anyway, now that I'm home its time to watch more Olympic coverage. Seeing as how after all it is Sunday night, and there's nothing else on.
~ Blog at you more tomorrow
So, I am woken up at 6 am to take my mother to her job. Ok, that fine. I get up and get dressed, and drive her to her job. After dropping her off, I drive up to my place of work, and pick up next week's work scheadule.
Let's just say, that I am less then impressed with my manager's ability to do a scheadule. I never ask for days off, and can work 24/7/365 , and yet I get the crappiest scheadule's I can think of. For example, next week, I get the "pleasure" of working 6 days and still only get 40 hours. Humm, why not 48, if I'm do'n six days ? , or why not 5 , for 40 hours? My only standing request I have is that I get at least 32 hours of work every week. While I am lucky I got that, I don't appreciate having to work 6 days for 40 hours. I think it sucks.
I truly wish that Ms. DT never left, cause she was the only manager I worked for that gave me a good scheadule every week. I almost always got 32 hours, in 5 days, or 40 in 5 days. Let's just say, I'm hoping things will get better, as my manger learns, re-learns , how to the schedule better.
So, after picking up my scheadule I left and returned home. Where I went back to bed. After all, I have no reason to be up at 7 am. So I slept till 1230. Then when I got up again. I turned on the speed channel, and into coverage of NASCAR practice.
At 230 PM my mother arrived home from work. Dinner soon followed, which today was a baked potato, with sliced ham. After which, I retired back to my room, and switched to ESPN2, for today's coverage of the nationwide series race. Which Carl Edwards won.
Right now, I have tuned into Olympic coverage. Only cause I don't know what else to watch on TV tonight. Does anyone have any suggestions? Feel free to leave them in a reply.
So, what else is on my mind? A new little pendant I got at the fair. It's called an Italian horn. After all I am German / Italian , and I'm learning all I can on this little amulet pendant. Its small, only 22 mm long, 3D and solid sterling silver. So it's just what I like, small, yet heavy. So, if you have any information on this amulet that I haven't found. Pass it along, also via reply.
To bad they don't have any pendants for my German side. lol , I don't think it would be a good idea to wear a swastika. Any suggestion's on that front ? lol
Now I guess its just killing time until I return to hell tomorrow. Also known as my place of work, Tops friendly markets. I work 130 to 10, yay! (said while crying on the inside) I am so not looking forward to returning to that dump, or the management that run's that place. Let's just say, the way, that place is run, make me loose respect for the management that runs it. Some, I don't believe deserve the right to be employed there, and some defiantly have no business being management. Oh, the letter I could write to cooperate if they truly pissed me off, and to worry them, there own security camera's could prove everything I said. lol
Ugh, Let's try to keep work off my mind until my alarm clock goes off in the morn. So, what's to think about that positive. A friend of mind is going to a house warming party, or so she said. So I replied, "unless there's an orgy, that's gonna be boring", needless to say, I haven't got a reply back yet.
Ok, ok... enough is enough, this entry has dragged on long enough, and I have nothing left to say at the moment. So before I can think of something else.
~ Goodbye for now 
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