Love @ MindSay 
friends
my first rock album was jimmy eat world's self titled
master piece. their hit song, the middle, was what
caught my attention. in the days of sony walkman's
and nick-at-nite, buying the album was the only way
i could get the song i wanted. i fell in love with riffs
and bridges, odd keyboard sounds and guitar solos.
catchy lyrics like, "if you don't, well honey, then you
don't," made lasting impressions on me. i rocked out
on air guitar every word and note of authority song.
i played and over played that album on my silver,
2-disc emerson. and to this day, i can still pick it
up and fall right back in love with those first words
of bleed american.
"i'm not alone because the tv's on now/i'm not crazy
because i take the right pills"
my first glimpse of true literature was a book called
the giver by lois lowry. it was on the AR list at the
middle school and had recieved such high reviews
that my mom bought me a copy of my own. it took
me a few months to actually pick it up and begin
the journey into that, what i imagined, sepia colored
community. imagery, sounds, tastes, touches, every
aspect of my creative imagination ran wild. from
those pages, i learned more about how a great novel
transports one into a completely different dimention.
places i never thought i could go were opened up
for my pleasure. unfortunately, the spine of the mass-
market paperback was broken due to opening it
just a little too strongly... but the pages have never
been turned down, and the cover looks brand new.
what amazes me just as much as the story itself is
the smell. the smell of those pages takes me back
to the 8th grade when i was in love with my best
guy friend, when i had finally learned all the lyrics
to jimmy eat world, and i was developing some
sort of fashionable look for myself. things were
changing, and those were the best and worst
moments of my early teen years. sure the hormones
were awkward, and i didn't really know how to
wear my makeup properly, and i couldn't date...
but i was opened up to what the world had to
offer, whether good or bad, i experienced a lot
of both sides of this crazy universe. i developed
a free mind, a free will, an intuition. i learned
new words (good and bad ones), i met new
people, i liked different music, i became a little
bit of what i am today.
that music spawned my odd flavor for pop-
punk and soft-rock, and that book showed me
how to capture my reader and create intense
plots.
it amazes me how just two small things can help
make a person who they are.
salt, sweat, sugar on the asphalt.
I started reading this book that my friend recommended to me back in 2006 called 'The Irresistible Revolution.' It's basically about how you can spread love throughout the world by doing even the smallest of things. The author was a missionary of sorts in Calcutta for awhile taking care of lepers and stuff. It's a very touching book. The author even became homeless for awhile to experience what it was like. It's so sweet. I'd be a little scared to sleep out in a park in downtown Atlanta (It's full of crime!) but I'd love to do some missionary work. I think it'd be really rewarding.
I think I want to go into some type of religious career or something. I don't want to go to that college to be an undertaker. I want a small job (maybe a librarian?) or a job that is very spiritually rewarding. I don't think I'd find that sort of thing by embalming people. I'm kind of worried to tell my parents. I'm 19 and I feel like I should be in college right now. I feel like I'm behind when everyone else is so far ahead of me. I feel really confused as to what I want to do in life and I think if I tell my parents that I don't want to go to college that they'll think I'm stalling or putting my life on hold and that if I wait any longer to go to college, in the end I won't go at all. "If you put it off too long, you'll never do it." That's what they always tell me. Jeez... what am I supposed to do?
What are some ways that you save money?
What are some ways that you spread the love and brighten peoples day?
This is my senior year, it's semi-hilarious because when you become a high school senior everybody asks the same questions of you: "How's senior year going?"; "Are you excited to graduate"; "Where do you think you want to go to school?"; "What do you want to be?" It would be hypocritical of me to say that I am bothered by this line of questioning, I ask my classmates the same thing. I want to be a writer/photographer/ teacher/ lover/ revolutionary. I'm sure it will be a long and complicated journey. The problem lies with the lover.
Virgin I am. Boy/Girlfriendless I am. Loving of everyone, I am not. There are just those people that in life you cannot bring yourself to like, never mind love. There are days when I hate everyone, including my nearest and dearest. All I want to do is scream, hurt and damage everyone else until they are as angry and miserable as I am. I did lose it in school once, not badly though I just started to cry. It was during advisory and I was immensely frustrated and angry with this woman at my work. I'm not going to go into details because I've put too much effort into putting it behind me. Luckily, the only people in the room were my favorite teacher, hereafter known as Sensei, and two of my best friends, Teddy (after Teddy Roosevelt, although she is a girl. She's political (conservative, and that's why she is not FDR) and likes horses) and Charlie Brown (because...he is a Charlie Brown). Obviously these are aliases to protect their anonymity.
Teddy has been having trouble with stress levels as well, on top of that her parents are at least twice as hard on her as mine are on me. I couldn't yell and be mad at her because she doesn't need that right now. Charlie Brown, he is the type that has been through so much shit that nothing bothers him. I can take out a lot of frustration on him with rants and a cold shoulder, because he is the least likely out of my friends to take it personally.
I have to visit colleges. NYU and Bard are my top choices at this moment. I don't believe that I am smart enough to make it in but I have to at least try,otherwise I'd hate myself forever. I've finished with the SAT reasoning tests, I can't put myself through it anymore. I got a 1650 the first time and I don't find out my scores until October 23rd.
On top of that I have a job after school. I take care of a little boy, Angel. He has Angelman syndrome but that is not the real reason of his pseudonym, he is a light in my life. A bright, shining sun in an otherwise gray climate. I go to a preschool and I get to play with him, teach him how to walk and hug him and just be happy for two and a half hours. Unfortunately, I get crap pay. Also something has been going strangely with my paychecks, I'm waiting for the next one to arrive before I do anything to make sure.
So...school, college applications, work and I'm directing a show for the drama club this year. I have to prepare for that.
And on top of everything else, it's school spirit week. Can you think of anything more irritating?
Girl who bleeds without being cut baffles doctors
| Wednesday, 01 October 2008 | |
 Twinkle Dwivedi, 13, has a strange disorder which means she loses blood through her skin without being cut or scratched. She has even undergone transfusions after pints of it seeped through her eyes, nose, hairline, neck and the soles of her feet. Sometimes her condition is so bad she wakes up with her entire body covered in dried blood. Villagers near her home in Uttar Pradesh, India, believe she must be cursed and shout cruel things in the street. Her frantic family have sought help from numerous doctors as well as preachers from many different religions without success. "I am desperate to help my daughter," said her mother Nandani Diwedi, 42. "We are not superstitious people but we became so desperate. "We've been to temples, mosques, churches and sufi saints, but nothing has cured her." Indian medics now believe her condition is an extreme version of a rare blood platelet disorder for which they cannot find a cure. However, a ray of hope has been offered by a British specialist, who believes Twinkle may have a different clotting disorder, for which treatment will be possible. Last year, Twinkle was a normal 12-year-old who enjoyed school, painting and playing with her friends - but then she suddenly started bleeding between five and 20 times a day. "I was so scared," she said. "It didn't hurt. But it was scary and messy, and my friends thought it was disgusting. "My school blouse went all red. No-one would come near me or play with me. "I used to cry nearly every time it happened. But now I just keep quiet." Twinkle was thrown out of one school and another refused to teach her because of her strange condition. Now she studies at home and rarely sees other children. Her mother said: "I am very worried about her. She is very weak and pale from the blood loss. "She is very isolated and depressed. She wants to get better so she can go back to school. "I now believe doctors in India are incompetent. I don't think they can help her." The first time the bleeding happened from Twinkle's mouth in July 2007, her parents took her to a GP who suggested a common ulcer. But then, a few weeks later, the bleeding also started from her nose, eyes, feet and hairline. Twinkle's parents took her to see dozens of different doctors who could not find a reason for her blood loss. Her dad Aditya Kumar Diewdi, 47, a railway worker, said: "They told us they had never seen a case like this before. "One doctor even accused us of making it up. Why on earth would we do that?" Finally doctors at the All India Institute of Medical Sciences in Delhi decided she has Type 2 Platelet Disorder, a rare condition where blood is dangerously low in clotting particles. They say her blood is watery and has the colour of a light red wine - but they cannot find a treatment to make it thicker. However, a blood specialist in Britain came up with a different diagnosis and believes there may be hope. Consultant haematologist Dr Drew Provan, of Barts Hospital in London, said: "She may have Type II von Willebrand disease and she should see a coagulation doctor for treatment." He believes her condition is not related to the number of clotting particles, but something called the von Willebrand factor, which helps platelets stick to blood vessels and blood to clot. But Twinkle's family is poor and unless an actual diagnosis can be found soon, she will continue growing weaker. She has already undergone several blood transfusions and it is feared she may one day lose too much blood too quickly. "When I bleed from the head, my head feels very heavy," says Twinkle. "When my eyes bleed they go really red and sore. It also hurts when I wash it after bleeding." Twinkle has thee older sisters who are also extremely concerned for her future. Her eldest sister Parul, 21, who works in a Delhi call centre said: "We pray every day that the doctors will find a cure for my sister." Her mum added: "My family will do anything we can to help her be healthy again." Information from: Telegraph.co.uk, http://www.telegraph.co.uk |
he keeps popping up. when i least expect it.
the hurt went away with the guilt and shame
and bad feelings and anger and all that good
stuff that happens. but the last week... my,
my, my...
i remember old jonas brother's songs and i
smile. and then i look at him and i want to
punch him in the nose and cry and scream.
feelings which were never as strong as they
are now, but only when i see him.
i want to scream in his face and have him
see those tears he never saw, tell him about
how he not only hurt me but countless other
people, friends, around him and me. i want
to show him what he did, how he changed
things. and i want to tell him how things
could have been so different if he'd only
said just a few words.
and even as i type this, i realize how i finally
got over it. too much drama and unrequited
hopes. of which i like neither. perhaps this
is the final passage way for me to go through
so i can finally let go, finally let my heart finish
healing. finally let this sadness and anger go.
hmm... rainy days do this to me.
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