Joke @ MindSay

               I'm calling it now, the rumor of the summer is going to be, “Emily peed her pants!”.  Today after swimming for a bit, one of my campers was blue in the face, covered in goosebumps, and chattering audibly.  I wrapped her in her towel, but not all that helpful.  So I sat her on my lap to try to warm her up a bit.  Worked a little, but I still made her wear my sweatshirt for awhile.  Finally time to stand up to go leave the pool, and though I had purposefully sat her forward more on my lap to avoid it, HUGE wet stain all over my body, including a giant one around my crotch so it really did look like I hadn’t made it to the bathroom in time…and that I’d been holding back Lake Niagara when I exploded.  Amazingly hilarious; I mean, embarrassing too, and not comfortable to walk around in jeans that are clinging to you awkwardly, but it was perfect.  Today was yucky weather wise, and we all needed something to joke around about.  This was it.
             ...or DID I accidently accident myself today?  I mean, I'm 24 now; control's not what it used to be :-P.

You know what I hate about AIM and Youtube? I always get these dumb chain letters that say " You will die in 5 minutes unless you send this to 10 people. If you do, you will learn to fly and get the love of your dreams." Wow. I'm just going to get wings in 5 minutes and start flying right? Whee, I'm gonna try to fly! ****! I landed on my face again!

 

So, welcome to my humor blog. I blog funny videos, skits, and even more. So enjoy it while it lasts. 

I will start with a joke:

 

Sitting on the side of the road waiting to catch speeding drivers, a state trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 mph. He thinks to himself, 'This driver is as dangerous as a speeder!' So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back, wide-eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, 'Officer, I don't understand, I was going the exact speed limit. What seems to be the problem?'

The trooper, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

'But before you go, Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car OK?  These women seem awfully shaken.'

'Oh, they'll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 127.'

 

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Now the "real" life.

 

I live in the northwest corner of Phoenix - actually Peoria.  The city/county is now expanding the roads out here, and pretty close to where I live, they are adding a bridge to allow traffic over Happy Valley/Vistancia to go north.  This highway will eventually turn east and connected with IH-17.

 

Afterwards, this will slow down traffic going thru neighborhoods to get to loop 101, and then to IH-10 and IH-17.

 

They are also connecting Happy Valley to uh, Happy Valley, by FINALLY digging a path through a part of a mountain between 91st ave and 83rd ave.

 

Of course, since this is a construction zone, it's being patrolled by police.  So, for about 2 miles there is a funnel of traffic that has NO CHOICE but to run this gauntlet once your are there.  The speed limit is 25 mph - reasonable speed in construction zone.

 

However - the other day, when I went thru, I saw 8 motorcycle cops - SITTING and waiting - obviously a speed trap and revenue enhancer.  They were waiting in 2 rows of 4 cops - almost like a parade.  All were riding the latest BMW 1400cc bike - very tricked out.

 

Kinda like hunting fish in a barrow.  This is not a safety issue.  If it was, they could just put some speed bumps there which would slow down everyone.  It's only 2 miles (if that much).

 

We, Arizona, are now noted in the AAA manuals and documents as #1 in speed enforcement.  We have over 100 speed cameras all over the state.  We surpassed Washington DC.  Amazing.

So i have decided that maury povich has discovered the best episode idea ever.  He has these women on the show, usually black or trashy white women and they have these men take paternity tests to see if they are they baby daddies.  This in and of itself isn't that funny however when one of the women (usually the white ones) tests like two men on the show and neither one is the father things start to get interesting.  They then do a second show and the woman tests like 5 more guys,  and none are the father.  Third show she tests another 6 guys.  Nope not them.  Meanwhile all these rap video stand ins celebrate like they just scored a touchdown.  Hardly 40 acres and a mule but i'm sure they'll take it.  When everything is said and done this woman has about 15-20 men tested and none are the father.  Since she certainly isn't the virgin mary, we can cross off the chance of immaculate conception.  This means this woman had sex with 20 or more men prior to getting pregnant.  CUT IT OUT.  First of all you have no teeth, second of all you make Lee look slim and third of all ugh just fucking ugh.  Why do black guys love fat white women?  If there are any bloggers who are black (and can read and type)  that want to answer this riddle feel free to.  I just don't get it.  That might explain the long tshirts, they just borrow the mid riff shirts from these behemoths and they put it on and BAM its down to their knees.  I wonder if one day we might see *name removed to protect the overly sensitive* on maury povich, lord knows she had plenty of dark meat while in virginia.  Skipping ahead, isn't it weird that the eskimos have 100 different words for snow and yet italians only have three words in their entire languauge: pasta, wine and flip-flop.  Did you see tom brady freaking out on the sidelines when they lost to the colts a couple of weeks ago.  At one point he threw a water bottle onto the ground, of course he could only manage to hit the ground that was 5 yards in front of him.  I get the feeling that when tom brady comes out of the shower a lot of the d- linemen snicker to each other about how his johnson gives new meaning to the phrase short passing game.  I'm not even sure what that means.  Anyway delack is cranky all the time now that he is back in the states.  Looks like rob misses those 6 foot tall, 210 pound german women already. Where can he find such a girl here?  Oh wait over here we call them men.  Lets not bullshit rob, call it what it is.  You fucking man kisser.  out

Try it without looking at answers. Do not scroll down until you’ve
completed this part.


 1)  Pick your Favorite number between 1-9
 2)  Multiply by 3 then
 3)  Add 3, then again multiply by 3 (I'll wait while you get the
calculator....)
 4)  You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number..
 5)  Add the digits together










 Now with that number see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below:

 1. Hillary Clinton
 2. Dr. Phil
 3. George Bush
 4. Brad Pitt
 5. Bill Gates
 6. Martha Stewart
 7. Oprah
 8. Dr, Seuss
 9. Velvetdreams
 10. Barack Obama

 I know... I just have that effect on people... one day you too can be like

me. Believe it!

 PS. Stop picking different numbers it will always be me.