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but the further i go, i wanna go home.
i shall begin this blog entry by saying that i'm a whore.
       i have a new boyfriend. he's super nice to me and respectful and sweet and he gets it. the problem is that he lives a couple hours away and he can't visit me very often. together, we set up my friend with his friend and they're already super happy. he's 20 and homeless and he fights on the street to make money.
       there's also another guy. he's been the other guy for like a year and a half, but never the main guy. he's fun to be with, we have lots in common, he's a great kisser, and he really gets it. the problem is that he's on probation and can't even know i exist. he's also 20 and he has a girlfriend.
       there's also another other guy. he's super cute and sweet and innocent and creative and such a gentleman and he gets it. the problem is that he also lives far away and can't visit. he's 15 and i met him at the renaissance festival.
       i've been thinking seriously about packing up and leaving for California. guy #2 would be the most fun and the most willing, if he didn't have a girlfriend. but guy #1 will work if i really need to leave, since he's got nothing to loose. and he's already mine, so no worries there. but if i have to leave alone, i will. possibly even drop out of high school, depending on how much shit sucks between now and whenever i graduate.
       yup. fuck having options. honestly, though, i wish option #2 was even an option. damnit.
 
 
   
 

(no subject)

Men. Ridiculous.

 

 

 

 
 
 

   
Baby Got Front
Jackie Beat tells us what is great about FRONT:

"Who cares what he looks like, he's got a big cock!"
 
 
   
 

Manly Air Fresheners
So, I'm doing much better now.

Which is also a surprise, but the whole thing rather came out of the blue. I have no idea what it was, I have no idea why it came, and I have no idea where it went. I am thinking, given its nature and other current affairs, Cuba.

I got a ride home from church Friday night with Rainjoy and her husband. After he made a comment comparing the bathrooms, Rainjoy and I were talking about how there are no masculine air fresheners.

Look, they're either very femme, or just kind of neutral. There should be air fresheners that men can grunt with pride about, and the best they've got so far is "new car".

Rainjoy suggested that Axe should be made into an air freshener. I think I twitched. There is one variety of Axe that I respond very favorably to (incidentally, Swedewolf also likes this one), and the other two I attempt to avoid. And anytime you have too much Axe, it's just not a good thing. Also, if the purpose of Axe is to attract women, this doesn't seem to quite be in line with our pursue of the manly-grunting scent.

Randomly, thinking of the manly men in my life, I suggest. "Diesel. Wood smoke. Gunpowder. Sawdust."
Rainjoy: "I like diesel!"
P: "Really? I love the smell of woodsmoke."
R: "Mmm, yeah."
P: "I guess there are scents that you love for association. I mean, I love everything about the way "chainsaw" smells - the oil mixture, the sawdust, sweat, etc., because it makes me think of watching my dad work when I was little."
R's husband, interested: "What does your dad do?"
P: "He's a computer programmer."

This took a minute of entertainment. :) [1]

When I was a kid, we lived rather out in the country, and a fair amount of our property was wooded [2]. Dad would cut and clear brush there, and after we moved to the Midwest he was part of a team for cutting and clearing fallen deadwood every year at the wooded park area a few miles from our house. I recall going along with him, but somehow I don't think I was much help when I was that small. But, in Phirefly's world, again, I have yet to meet a guy as cool as my Dad. Chainsaw is a good association.

CedarFire, incidentally, is one of those really great guys out there[5]. Interestingly, I didn't care for cedar all that much before we were friends, and now I love it. He works at one of the hardware/lumber giants in town, and has since before we met, and his car (not to mention his shirt, usually) always smells like cedar. Good friend, good associations, therefore, it's now a good smell.

[1]I'm aware that one of the jokes out there suggests that one of the most frightening things in the world is a computer programmer holding a screwdriver, but in the case of my Dad, it's more like he's an engineer/history buff/handyman who just happen to work as a computer programmer.
[2]This may be where my love for the woods comes from, because I recall the three of us getting kicked out of the house during the day to go play and explore outside[3], and I had many imaginary adventures there. Love of woods and rich fantasy life developed before I was five.
[3]I know we had a tv, but I don't remember it ever being on during daylight hours.[4] Although, I was only four/five, so the only shows I ever remember watching were Winnie-the-Pooh and Star Trek: Next Generation. This probably explains a lot.

[4]If the sun's up, you should be outside! Great philosophy for raising kids, I believe.
[5]Every time I say this, I feel obligated to point out, I'm not trying to date him, he's getting married this fall. He's my friend. So, for that matter, is his fiancee.
 
 
 

   
Need more emos!!!

so one day i was sitin with some guys

it was really hot so i took of my my jaket

and they saw a big ring if blood around my wrists

they told everyone

in the school

so i have no friendz i need more emos!!!!

(the night before)

i had gotten really mad at myself

for not having friends 'i have to sit at the guy table'

so yeah

i got mad so i cut all the way around my wrist....

 

 

 
 
   
 

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