Friend @ MindSay

Got a date with this girl Alicia Steinkirchner. I knew her over the year but never hung out only talked in passing. But we hung out at her parents place Monday and watched the season premier of House. Got there a little late though 8:20. But no matter easily caught up. We talked and stuff and took a walk around the back roads near her parents place. I asked her to dinner as I  told her it was customary that when I enjoy someones company very much so that I would like to take them out to dinner and she bought it! hahaha just kidding, I do that because not too many people usually take that qualifying place). She said she wanted to pay for my dinner because she looked at me and said that she was certain that most people don't buy me dinner (outside of family obviously). Which was kinda cute. I told her that Melanie did but she said that didn't count (we called her mayo which was from a story I told). But it was funny I apologized severely for taking up the time because she listened to me tell Melanie's brother my story on the phone for some amounts of time. The story below is the suffix of the conversation that transpired and lead to it's demise. Fuck it I say. We'll see about the date. She picked out the place too. "California Rollin" Never had sushi personally.

Now Melanie was a different story. That ended because she drinks way too much and when she told me she was going to quite she was at a bar with a coworker of ours the next day. To my astonishment. Oh well. after a bunch of stuff I was told by her neighbor that she was at the bars and I figured which one it was but didn't bother going there because I didn't need to and then she called me and by the "sound" of it sounded like she was going home. So I went home and stayed there but my friend Kyle wanted to take a walk with me because he figured it was better that I was walking with him and stuff and wanted to tell me some things that all the guys were talking about me (for the better). But Kyle had to pee when we were making our way down to one of the bridges so we went to the mainstreet part and he peed in the bushes near the canal off to the shadows. And on the way back I saw the cowowkrer of ours and Melanie in the bar so I stopped in and said his. Now I do mind you at this point (like  I said when it "sounded" like she was going home) she wasn't, still at the bar. So I stopped in and said hi to them and introduced my friend and said I thought you guys had left. Whatever. And took that as stalking. So boy oh boy. Called her house and wanted to make sure they got home all right. because it was late and they were drinking. Called and nothing. Called again and left a message. And she called right back screaming at me asking what the hell I was doing. I just said I was concerned and wanted to make sure. Yeah yeah yeah. Telling me that her brother was going to beat the shit out of me. I don't care too much. But I got that call from her brother (he actually just wanted to know my part of the story). Told him the jist of it. But what I forgot was the part when I stopped over and talked to the neighbor and asked if they knew which bar they were at. Didn't concern me too much. Yakety yake. BECAUSE! I had my own thing to do. Well any other quetions ask me. But the short end of it. I thought she was all ready walking home and probably in bed. So when i was taken to the canal by my friend so he can pee. It was just my surprise to see her there. Hahaha. Big joke. I laugh at most things. This is funny to me.

well, again I haven't written in awhile...
After I last wrote, we were getting ready to go see my mom in Jacksonville,NC where she is in a nursing home...That morning we got up to a flooded basement...so, we had to stay,, called insurance, and plumber...Both came out that day and next day...with the insurance check we got we made an extra house payment..God works in mysterious ways! now we are only one month behind...but they continue to not want to help us..just this week we were again denied for the loan mod...they told us as long as we were behind and in the hole each month we would never qualify!! What??makes no sense...we were told that was why people like us could qualify for it..job loss, behind on payments,etc...That's what Obama said!!  its so frustrating!! Our second mortgage co. gave us a loan mod in 2 days!!! and we were behind with them too!! what's up with that??  who do you contact to find out if your mortgage co is jerking you around??/ they have to report to someone do they not?? sigh----
Good news is I got a job yesterday...Its part time like I wanted, no nights and no weekends..and only about 3-4 hrs a day, but every bit helps..I'm on Emergency unemployment now and my understanding is that that runs out in Oct... so we are still fighting to save our house as it stands now... oh and our first mortgage told us we needed to pare our bills down since we are in the hole every month..ok, well, we went to a credit manager and He told us there was no where to cut back!! we are paying only what we have to right now-utilities,insurance,gas,food,stuff like that that you cant pare back.. other good news, my husband  and my daughter got some help to be able to go to Doctor and get meds now...Ours is no cost to go to Doctor and daughter has to pay $5 each visit.Husband is diabetic, so he got his meds for free and my daughter is on a couple of meds that are free now too..that is a big help there..and our past doctor bills were covered and paid also which was almost at $1000.00.....now just owe the dentist $500.00...dont know when that will get paid...as no extra money at all. And here in NC taxes went up!! are they trying to kill us??? Our property taxes we owe this year are almost $2000.00!!!!! and sales taxes went up too... and now Duke Energy is wanting to raise its cost??? great...people are struggling..what do they want?our blood??? Christmas this year will be bleak..I just basically want my family together.. still trying to figure that out..with property taxes due right in Jan. that kills us..Christmas isnt about getting anyway..its about Christ and his birth.. we love each other and have fun as a family..that's what matters..The Black Friday list has already come out...those that have $ to spend-have at it...we don't.... yesterday in the mail we get 3 different letters from the county ..we owe $5 per cat we now have ..taxes on our animals!! I thought we came to America to flee Taxes on everything !! and for Religious freedom!!  good grief... tax this, raise this, what next???
have I said enough??? No wonder I was depressed earlier this week...
I was going to leave for the beach today with 3 good friends. they were going to take care of me so I could go.yesterday evening we get a call from one of them, my really good friend(I call her my Sis!) and her Dad was in ICU.. She had to call 911 earlier as he fell twice...so weak.... he had been sick all week but thought he was getting better... he was so dehydrated that they had to use a force bag to get the fluids in him. he took 4 bags I think..anyway, the rest of us told her we were not leaving her behind to go on to the beach..She wanted us to go on..can you believe that??She is so unselfish..I told her to shut up!! we were staying to be with her and the beach would still be there whenever...She couldn't help it that her dad got so ill...they weren't even sure he'd pull through last night! and she wanted us to go on.. No way!!my husband and I went over to hospital after she called and stayed. we took her to get something to eat. she went to be with her mom last night. her mom is diabetic and confined to the house..She has to be carried several times a week to receive dialysis. And she needs constant care..my friend is an only child so everything falls on her. She is a wife, and mother to two teens herself and works.. talk about having a full plate.. she does..
anyway I talked to her about 9 this morning and her dad stablizied during the night. they want to move him into a room out of ICU and regulate his meds. he lost so much weight...Will find out more later this afternoon..

my daughter started College in late August and she has adjusted well. Its our local community college, but she is doing great!! She has already aced a couple of tests! next fall she will transfer to UNCC. She has a new "Boy friend" lol says she doesn't want to be involved with anyone right now and they are just friends. I like him he is very nice.
Son has new girlfriend this year at Appalachian. he loves his apartment and having his own room!
I'm glad they are both settling in well.
well gotta run for now..maybe I will post again before another month rolls by! or two!

I feel so uncomfortable today. I can't find anything to wear, it all just feels annoying. I don't really feel like doing anything, either. The boyfriend has been feeling unsociable lately, and has been playing xbox for the past 3 days...

He says it's probably a phase, and that he finds everyone -not just me- revolting.

Which, I can partly understand because I felt like that before. But... it's still worrying me, and it's upsetting to know he's on xbox all day, and doesn't feel like talking to me.

He told me to be patient. I'm trying...

 Today, July 8 2009  at 5:50 pm a friend killed himself in his home; alone in his bathroom. John and his wife have been going through marital problems and after speaking to his father about his marriage he left advising he would return 10-20 minutes after retrieving his cell phone. He arrived home, dressed in his police uniform called 911 placed the phone on the floor and shot himself in his bathtub. He wasn't perfect, I didn't always get along with him, but he was the person willing to give his shirt off his back for another friend, stranger or victim.

I have so many questions and more than anything so many answers. Its a dark place depression and confusion. I look back and thank God everyday that I am still in the here and now. I can't cry and with that being said I can't stop crying. I have guilt and anger and want to scream and hit someone or something

The department called in a team of grief counselors and all I could hear was the teacher from Charlie Brown!
Why?