Drugs @ MindSay

These images were generated from http://ne0nguy.com/antidrug/index.php.



There is so much more that I can come up with. How about you come up with your anti-drug image and post it in your blog?

6.15 I'm in the judges chambers and I hear Rush's Tom Sawyer (my ringtone)over the hum of the sweeper. I leave the machine running and check the message.

 

It's Mikey. I haven't heard from him in almost two weeks.

 

He says sorry for not being in touch, he's been sick and contemplating a deathwish. I text back and ask if there's anything I can do, he returns a text asking if I can stop by after work if I've got some spare change. I say sure I'll be there, knowing I only have $25 in my pocket until next payday, knowing I'm certainly not just going to hand him cash, but knowing he at least needs bus fare, smokes, and a can of Cola.

 

I was already irritated from having to rush to finish my work this evening. At the beginning of the shift there were no court appearances on the docket, which meant I would only have 2 chambers to clean, no courtrooms. Then at 5pm I find out there's been a USMarshall Drug Sweep resulting in ten late arrests and both courtrooms have been used, which means I have 2 hours to do both courtrooms and both chambers. 

 

I don't mind working fast and hard, but I HATE time constraints. I can't do the best job when I have to rush just to get done by 7. So the text from Mikey just added to my anxiety, and in my hurry to finish I totally dumped my supply cart over on it's side. I went nuts and started slamming the cart up and down on the floor, scattering crap everywhere and giving myself more work to cram in.

 

What an idiot I felt like. 

 

7pm arrives I'm out the door headed for Mikey's. I arrive and we talk, he looks like a tan skeleton accept for his legs which are stark white, we never were allowed to wear shorts on lawn crew.

 

I ask him what's up. He says..."I just don't see any reason to live anymore, what's the point? I'm 57 still trying to be a kid, doing dope every chance I get, tearing up my body, I live here alone without companionship, and who would have me anyway the way I look and live, my stomach is tore up but there's no way I'm going to the hospital except on a gurney, I work lawn care and my body almost can't take it anymore, I won't get work anywhere else"........and he went on. I just listened.

 

I asked him simply if he could quit the boy. He just gave that little laugh of his that says don't be ridiculous. He says it's not so much the boy but why he is using more. He just doesn't care. Says he thinks of Hunter Thompson, one of his fave writers, how he couldn't stand his life anymore once he was confined to a wheelchair, killed himself. Hemingway. Says he doesn't even want to get to that point. Would rather end it now.

 

I looked in the eyes of a man who believes life has passed him by, done by his own hands. His own choices.

 

I looked in a mirror of my own days past.

 

I asked and he told me he had absolutely no food in the place. Not even toilet paper. I said let's head to the grocery, and on the 20 minute drive we laughed and talked about last season stories of lawn crew craziness, of this past winter and the nights and days of 20 hour shifts of blizzard snow removal. We chatted about the olympics.

 

The groceries rang out to $24.58. He'd gotten what he needed for a few days, I told him I'd be over on Saturday with a load of more stuff. I know a few food banks around town, and I know a few people who run them. I'm going to make sure he's got ALL he needs.

 

And I'm going to love pray and think about him everyday.

 

He never once asked me for cash. He knew better.

 

On the 30 minute drive home I couldn't hold back the tears.

 

BDS

Maybe that is the question?  Millions of Americans taking medications everyday!  From antibiotics, allergy meds, antidepressants, antipsychotic dugs, OTC drugs.....you name it. 

 

Ironically enough, I was against medication for years.  Except my multi-vitamin.  Then I started having panic attacks.  So my doctor gave me a script for Xanax.  I only took them when I had a panic attack.  That was over 10 years ago.  I haven't taken an antibiotic in over 6 years.  The last time I did, I was VERY Ill.  So I ask myself, how is it now I take all this medication everyday when I even refuse a simple antibiotic??? 

 

First, I think SSRI's and all antidepressants are overprescribed.  I think people are getting lazy and just don't want to deal with life.  When I got to that point, I went to a therapist for "spiritual guidance."  After 6 months of therapy, he formally diagnosed me with ADHD and OCD.  No big news flash as I was diagnosed as a little girl with ADD.  He sent me on to the Psychiatrist.  The man with the ink pen and pad.  My first script, Ritalin.  Ironically enough, I could not stay awake on Ritalin.  I slept non stop.  I daydreamed of naps.  One month later, he switched me to Adderall.  Watch out, I am getting shit done and you better step aside.    For once i my life, I felt accomplished.  I had completed more tasks in one week on this medication than I had in 28 years.  So why I am complaining?  Well, theres more.  There is always more to every story.  With the Adderall, I had a terrible time with what they refer to as a "rebound."  Coming off the Adderall.  I was irritable, panicky and couldn't sleep.  So he added on a sleeping pill.  Which did not work, so he switched the sleeping pill over and over.  Then added another benzo and sleeping pill.  Which worked...for a while.  I went from being a mess, to being so productive and accomplished to a somewhat different person who could get things done, but rarely slept or even socialized anymore.  I was a social butterfly.  But I couldn't exactly have a few drinks then go home and take my sleeping meds.

 

So there is the beginning........I have no clue where this will lead.  But my mind is in overdrive and this is my place to unload my thoughts and my issues.  And let me tell ya......... I've got issues.

This guy had to smoke a lot of weed to get this stupid...