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Guilt Culture

H and I get together about once a week to chat.

Jesus said that when you leave everything for the Kingdom, you receive more than you left in the Kingdom. H is one of a few women who’s sort of filled the mom-role for me here. (My mom is awesome for advice on improving as a musician, gardening, food-prep, lots of very practical tasks, but when it comes to worldview and relationships, I have to talk to someone who read their Bible that morning.)

We have tea, talk over life. Usually at her house, sometimes at a bookstore coffee shop. There’s some other overlap – I watch munchkins for two hours one midweek morning, and three of them are her granddaughters. We’re in the choir together. But this is the time when nothing else is pulling our attention, and I can pull out the drawer of everything weighing on me right now. H listens, and offers practical advice, based on years of teaching, raising children, being married, and leaning hard on God through all of it.

One of my favorite pictures is when she gathers all three of her kids (the middle one is my age, so this is years back) close and says, “Okay everybody, we’re going to stop for a minute and pray that God will give mommy more patience.” Love it. It never entered my mind to pray FOR my parents when I was a kid. Give thanks for them, certainly, but the idea that God could help my parents handle things that they couldn’t handle without Him – mindblowing.


So, this week we’re talking over about seven different things at once, and somewhere in there comes the concept that one of our marriage-mentors believes Rick and I keep having the same issue because of some unconfessed sin between us.

H knows me. She hears me out about my mom and my sisters, my frustrations, my goals, my marriage, my confusion about what I’m supposed to be doing in all this, and she’s been doing it longer than I’ve been married. So she listens to my bafflement, because I can’t think of anything I’ve been keeping from Rick, and I know Rick isn’t keeping anything from me (because he can conceal important information from the person who needs it for maybe all of ten hours). She was calm, “No, you’d know if you had some unconfessed sin.”

And then she reminded me of something – I do guilt. It’s a pervasive part of how I understand my place in the world. I am guilty. Not in a logical sense. It’s, “I am guilty,” in the same sense that, “I am female,” in my mind. It was a major part of my growing-up; I didn’t understand that my parents had problems, I thought that my parents were wonderful and *I* caused the problems. If I could just be a good kid, they wouldn’t have these issues.

This is something I have to work through, and get past. Same way that H has to work through being emotionally demonstrative. She didn’t grow up with it, her husband did, and it was a long time before she could be comfortable with hugs.

The thing is, this dovetails with what this marriage mentor is seeing. It doesn’t have the same root cause, but a lingering, pervasive sense of guilt is usually the result of some hidden sin. And it can easily produce the things that he’s seeing and hearing in our marriage.

I haven’t actually been doing anything wrong. I don’t have to DO anything to be female, I just am. It’s similar with guilt. I don’t have to DO anything to be guilty, but it’s very easy for me to accept that I’ve done something wrong and it’s my job to figure out what it is.


This was one of the hardest parts about Christianity for me, by the way. Christianity isn’t about guilt. You have godly sorrow over doing something ungodly. Guilt is like a brand, or a bad smell hanging around you that you can’t get rid of. You sorrowfully bring to God what you’ve done that’s ungodly, and He considers a broken heart a worthy offering. He lifts you up at the right time, and you’re free, and you have joy again. I’ve experienced this so many times.


For H, demonstrations are separate from love, and she has to work to link them. After several decades, she’s pretty good at it now, though she still isn’t very emotional. (I am TOO emotional. When I learned that H never cries in front of her husband, because she doesn’t want to upset him, I took that to heart as swiftly as I did learning that J never denies her husband sex. Made it my goal to never cry in Rick’s presence. This was fairly exasperating for him.)

For me, guilt is separate from action. I can ACT guilty, the way I can act more feminine, or I can try to ignore it and distract myself, the way I can dress frumpily and swear like a sailor*. The best remedy for this I’ve found, so far, is to read gobs of Scripture. Big, big chunks. Like, let’s knock out the book of Acts this afternoon.

*Okay, meaning no disrespect to your personal definition of femininity. Culturally, my sisters and I grew up with the ideas that women are to be lovely, well-read, kind, and above all, gracious.

Because I’m not fighting an idea, a statement. I’m fighting the sense of who I am. That’s not something that gets answered in a one-time wilderness experience, not for me, anyway. I’ve spent a lot of time in the woods. In the woods is where I go to meet with God and haul out the pieces of myself that are sunk in the landscape like truck carcasses in a redneck lawn. It’s where I go BECAUSE of who I am, not to find who I am.

I’m one who needs God. I’m one who God loves.

I read Scripture in big pieces because I have big pieces of guilt culture. Some Christians have to fight the sense that they’re the wrong gender. Some have to fight the sense that they’re married to the wrong person. I have to fight the sense that I’m guilty.


Let all tears turn to gold
And all the hell I've raised
Lord, let it fade away
As Your glories unfold
Give me a part to play
Grant me another day....

 
 
   
 

Guilt Culture

H and I get together about once a week to chat.

Jesus said that when you leave everything for the Kingdom, you receive more than you left in the Kingdom. H is one of a few women who’s sort of filled the mom-role for me here. (My mom is awesome for advice on improving as a musician, gardening, food-prep, lots of very practical tasks, but when it comes to worldview and relationships, I have to talk to someone who read their Bible that morning.)

We have tea, talk over life. Usually at her house, sometimes at a bookstore coffee shop. There’s some other overlap – I watch munchkins for two hours one midweek morning, and three of them are her granddaughters. We’re in the choir together. But this is the time when nothing else is pulling our attention, and I can pull out the drawer of everything weighing on me right now. H listens, and offers practical advice, based on years of teaching, raising children, being married, and leaning hard on God through all of it.

One of my favorite pictures is when she gathers all three of her kids (the middle one is my age, so this is years back) close and says, “Okay everybody, we’re going to stop for a minute and pray that God will give mommy more patience.” Love it. It never entered my mind to pray FOR my parents when I was a kid. Give thanks for them, certainly, but the idea that God could help my parents handle things that they couldn’t handle without Him – mindblowing.


So, this week we’re talking over about seven different things at once, and somewhere in there comes the concept that one of our marriage-mentors believes Rick and I keep having the same issue because of some unconfessed sin between us.

H knows me. She hears me out about my mom and my sisters, my frustrations, my goals, my marriage, my confusion about what I’m supposed to be doing in all this, and she’s been doing it longer than I’ve been married. So she listens to my bafflement, because I can’t think of anything I’ve been keeping from Rick, and I know Rick isn’t keeping anything from me (because he can conceal important information from the person who needs it for maybe all of ten hours). She was calm, “No, you’d know if you had some unconfessed sin.”

And then she reminded me of something – I do guilt. It’s a pervasive part of how I understand my place in the world. I am guilty. Not in a logical sense. It’s, “I am guilty,” in the same sense that, “I am female,” in my mind. It was a major part of my growing-up; I didn’t understand that my parents had problems, I thought that my parents were wonderful and *I* caused the problems. If I could just be a good kid, they wouldn’t have these issues.

This is something I have to work through, and get past. Same way that H has to work through being emotionally demonstrative. She didn’t grow up with it, her husband did, and it was a long time before she could be comfortable with hugs.

The thing is, this dovetails with what this marriage mentor is seeing. It doesn’t have the same root cause, but a lingering, pervasive sense of guilt is usually the result of some hidden sin. And it can easily produce the things that he’s seeing and hearing in our marriage.

I haven’t actually been doing anything wrong. I don’t have to DO anything to be female, I just am. It’s similar with guilt. I don’t have to DO anything to be guilty, but it’s very easy for me to accept that I’ve done something wrong and it’s my job to figure out what it is.


This was one of the hardest parts about Christianity for me, by the way. Christianity isn’t about guilt. You have godly sorrow over doing something ungodly. Guilt is like a brand, or a bad smell hanging around you that you can’t get rid of. You sorrowfully bring to God what you’ve done that’s ungodly, and He considers a broken heart a worthy offering. He lifts you up at the right time, and you’re free, and you have joy again. I’ve experienced this so many times.


For H, demonstrations are separate from love, and she has to work to link them. After several decades, she’s pretty good at it now, though she still isn’t very emotional. (I am TOO emotional. When I learned that H never cries in front of her husband, because she doesn’t want to upset him, I took that to heart as swiftly as I did learning that J never denies her husband sex. Made it my goal to never cry in Rick’s presence. This was fairly exasperating for him.)

For me, guilt is separate from action. I can ACT guilty, the way I can act more feminine, or I can try to ignore it and distract myself, the way I can dress frumpily and swear like a sailor*. The best remedy for this I’ve found, so far, is to read gobs of Scripture. Big, big chunks. Like, let’s knock out the book of Acts this afternoon.

*Okay, meaning no disrespect to your personal definition of femininity. Culturally, my sisters and I grew up with the ideas that women are to be lovely, well-read, kind, and above all, gracious.

Because I’m not fighting an idea, a statement. I’m fighting the sense of who I am. That’s not something that gets answered in a one-time wilderness experience, not for me, anyway. I’ve spent a lot of time in the woods. In the woods is where I go to meet with God and haul out the pieces of myself that are sunk in the landscape like truck carcasses in a redneck lawn. It’s where I go BECAUSE of who I am, not to find who I am.

I’m one who needs God. I’m one who God loves.

I read Scripture in big pieces because I have big pieces of guilt culture. Some Christians have to fight the sense that they’re the wrong gender. Some have to fight the sense that they’re married to the wrong person. I have to fight the sense that I’m guilty.


Let all tears turn to gold
And all the hell I've raised
Lord, let it fade away
As Your glories unfold
Give me a part to play
Grant me another day....

 
 
 

   
Tell it like it is

Grandma and Grandpa are due to move on Wednesday.  YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!

 

 

Sorry

 

 

Another thing that I want to mention on here.   Some people (and I am not mentioning names) have been coming onto my friend's blog and saying rude things to her about her beliefs.   I'm afraid that I don't like that at all.  She has EVERY RIGHT to post her beliefs on HER blog.  You want to know something? I support her beliefs 100%.  I do NOT believe that homosexuality is moral.  In fact, I think it's a sin.  It says in the Bible that homosexuality is a perversion of nature.  (If that doesn't say it clearer that it's a sin then, you need to get a better education.)  God doesn't sugar-coat anything.  Nor does He want a fairweather friend.  Marriage is supposed to be between a man and a woman; The Bible states that clearly as well. 

 

If you guys have a problem with what she or me says and if you don't like us then DON'T COME TO MY BLOG OR HERS.  It's THAT simple. 

 

 

Back to football.  Something interesting:  Paul Ernster, who USED to be the punter for the Broncos is now the holder and kick off person for the Steelers.  Another thing I want to make official:  I'm a New England Patriots fan.  Because Lynch is now the Defensive End for them.  I hope that Brady's foot heals before regular season.....if not they'll suck. 

 

Peyton Manning's got an infection in his knee after he had surgery on it.  He's expected to play regular season.  And of course, they're lost without him.  As are the Patriots.

 

 

Tonight: San Diego versus Seattle.  GO SEATTLE!!!!

 

~*Another Day in the Life of Rebekah*~*316*~

 

 

 

 
 
   
 

I wish televangelism would go away
Within 5 seconds of turning on a popular "spiritual" TV station, I heard:

"When you release your ($1000) seed, God will release the Harvest in his hand."

So click that comment button. Release the seed of comment, and tell me why religious networks have no integrity and allow scam artists on their networks. Then, and only then, will God will release the harvest of knowledge upon us.

I have a rule of thumb. If they are on TV, they are trying to pull my leg. They want your money, and they'll apparently say anything to get it. In fact, they'll give you the whole prosperity gospel shtick (even though I don't agree with everything on that site, they illustrate what I'm trying to say) just to convince you that they are blessed and you can be just as blessed, especially if you give to them. I mean, they get rich off of you, how are you going to get rich in that one way relationship?

It is very transparent to the skeptic, and certainly the most avid bible readers will see the twisting of the bible to support their prosperity theology....

But almost all televangelists have serious problems. If they aren't false prophets, they are ambiguous (at best) about salvation, or something else. What I'm interested in is not scriptural discrepancies, or even lack of the true use of the bible in these cases. I just want to know...

How do they get away with it?

I know the answer, but I still can't believe it works, and keeps working, no matter how many times it is exposed over the years.

It is tried and true manipulation. I've seen it with my own eyes. It is hysteria. It is abuse of power. People come to these churches with real needs. Maybe they are sick,  poor, hungry, or hopeless... maybe they just have a deep, spiritual need of some other sort... and these "preachers" send a message that all you have to do is open yourself up to their message, give them money, believe what they say, and whatever it is that you want, and they promise, will come true.

I've had ears behind the scenes in these churches that promise to heal you and your loved ones of their problems. Where they bring people up on stage and "heal" them of problems they never had. I've seen people taken for money when they are desperate for their loved one to get better against all odds. And this isn't necessarily on TV. This is down the street. This is happening to your neighbors, and your family.

There have been good people, who've given up their own comfort in order to help others. That isn't what I see when I turn on the TV, or walk down the street, though. I see preachers in over-priced suits, fancy cars, and big houses. Would it hurt these men of God to associate with the masses and ride the bus? To wear a suit off the rack? To live modestly, instead of lavishly?

No. No it wouldn't.

I want to see John Hagee riding a bus.
 
 
 

 

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