Boyfriend @ MindSay

Mark had his first chemo today.  It went over pretty well actually...  We went in, and they got the IV set up in his Port-A-Cath.  We watched a 10 minute video about chemo with him, and they took him into the room.  They told us that he would be about 2-3 hours depending on how he reacted to the allergy test before they administered the actual medication, and that in the middle, if we wanted to visit him we could.  So Mark's mom and I went to the bank, to AT&T (to exchange my phone because it died last night), to JoAnn's Etc. to get yarn for making hats. :)  I want to help her make hats and things for the chemo patients at the center.  She is already doing it, but I told her that I was interested so she said she was going to teach me how to knit and crochet.  We went to Target to pick up Dragon Age: Origins for Mark and I... because Mark has been DYING to play it.  It looks like a really amazing game...  And we went to Quiznos and got sodas for us. :D

When we got back to the center, Mark's mom and I talked about knitting for awhile and techniques and terms and such.  They let us go visit Mark and he had a big smile on his face.  It was great to see him smiling...  They had two GIANT syringes which were two of his four part medicine... and they injected them in front of us.  He was alright though. :)  And they put a steroid in his meds so he's really loopy... but he seems normal other than that.  I'm really happy that he's so strong and amazing... I couldn't ask for anyone else in my life.  I hope he doesn't get too many side effects from it... We're home now and we're all getting subs later.  :)

i shall begin this blog entry by saying that i'm a whore.
       i have a new boyfriend. he's super nice to me and respectful and sweet and he gets it. the problem is that he lives a couple hours away and he can't visit me very often. together, we set up my friend with his friend and they're already super happy. he's 20 and homeless and he fights on the street to make money.
       there's also another guy. he's been the other guy for like a year and a half, but never the main guy. he's fun to be with, we have lots in common, he's a great kisser, and he really gets it. the problem is that he's on probation and can't even know i exist. he's also 20 and he has a girlfriend.
       there's also another other guy. he's super cute and sweet and innocent and creative and such a gentleman and he gets it. the problem is that he also lives far away and can't visit. he's 15 and i met him at the renaissance festival.
       i've been thinking seriously about packing up and leaving for California. guy #2 would be the most fun and the most willing, if he didn't have a girlfriend. but guy #1 will work if i really need to leave, since he's got nothing to loose. and he's already mine, so no worries there. but if i have to leave alone, i will. possibly even drop out of high school, depending on how much shit sucks between now and whenever i graduate.
       yup. fuck having options. honestly, though, i wish option #2 was even an option. damnit.

Pray tell, you self-centred twat - why do I need to know this?
I didn't like him anyway. I know it wasn't you who pushed me away from everyone else on there, but you know exactly how I feel about the entire group. I barely even talk to you now - why the fuck do you message me for the first time in weeks (btw, you totally forgot about my 18th birthday last week, and Lisa remembered, you didn't) - just to tell me that your long-distance boyfriend has just left?
It would have been mean of me to say that I hope it was the last time he left and he never came back - you're a fucking idiot for having a long distance romance - where's the fucking connection?
Oh yeah, that's right - it's a fucking MODEM connection.

What's the point? You can't hug, you can't kiss and you can't even hear or see each other - you've been "dating" online for how long? Absolute retards.
I don't message people for the first time in months just to let them know I've finished having sex with my girlfriend. Why would I do that? You wouldn't care - and I certainly don't give a shit about your love life - or make that, online conversations.

i just registered for the new student orientation. i decided to go with option 2 [see blog #3]. as of right now the plan is for aj to come the night before and sleep over [which i am EXTREMELY nervous about for some reason...] then the next day we wake up HELLA early [because the orientation starts at 8:30am-ish]. after the orientation we scoot on over to the apartment complex im moving to and sign the lease THEN and only then can we start enjoying each others company.

liz wont be going. this was my decision... she doesnt know about it yet. the thing is she has 2 daughters and stuff and i just feel bad... i hope she understands [but i bet she wont].

when this plan was agreed upon by aj and i, he told me that it would all go according to plan under one condition; that when he came up here he could sleep with me.
that sounds bad doesnt it? let me explain. the floor in my room is EXTREMELY comfy. as is the couch. so i told him he could have the bed and i would sleep elsewhere. he disapproved. he said that he hadnt seen me in a long time and all he wanted to do was snuggle...

besides the fact that this week has been an emotional rollercoaster and im not quite comfortable yet with being cute with this boy after the shit that he put me through these past couple of days [dont get me wrong' i DO forgive him], the thing is... whenever aj and i are close... things happen. im going too leave it at that. you guys probably already understand what im talking about. and right now, im not in the mood for that sort of thing with him.

buuuuuuuut he told me that he didnt want to "fool around" he just wanted to be close... so i agreed. but im still harboring the secret notion that when he gets here we ARE going to sleep in different places.

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i just got out of the shower. i smell good and feel great and im ready to go. where? i dont know. i have a call-in at work today... i hope they dont need me because liz and i were hoping that if i didnt work we could go to the beach.
but then again i kinda hope i do have to work because work = money [which i need...].

i dont know